It’s a weekend and you have just woken up to the sound of your partner.
Oh no! Not again.
You have warned severally that you just don’t like things being done in that manner.
Why can’t this simple rule be followed? You think.
Then you have this urge to jump at your partner and make him/her listen to you.
Do not do this!
Calm yourself and take a deep breath before you act.
Do you know that marriage is the only institution where you are offered a certificate before you get into it?
This might not be surprising.
But you gather the needed experience to make your marriage thrive as you go on and as the saying goes “Experience is the best teacher”.
The only challenge is that two people with different backgrounds have decided to come together and live with one another.
What this means is that you must learn to change your ways and to also accept the new ways of your partner.
The human behavior is designed under “normal” circumstances to tolerate and accept others as they are.
Sometimes, we might find it difficult to understand why our partners behave in a manner that seems “annoying” to us.
These perceived series of behaviors has led to the breakdown of the marriage institution and sometimes degenerates to the point of willingly engaging in abusive behavior as a means of exerting power and control against your partner.
Domestic violence does not stop at beating or hitting alone.
It includes sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse.
WHO has reported that 1 in every 3 women experience some form of domestic violence globally.
Here are a couple of facts to consider in order to avoid domestic violence.
Men are often in the forefront of the affairs of the home. However, circumstances might leave the woman in charge.
While in charge (either physically or financially), both partners must respect the role of the other.
The moment one person begins to think that the other is not pulling his or her weighs in the marriage, then disrespect sets in and there is a breakdown.
Next you find confrontations and then possibility of violence.
This leads us to the next stage.
When two people live together, there is a strong need to communicate effectively.
Never get trapped in the assumption game.
Let us consider this scenario.
The wife had a meeting and forgot to inform the husband that she would return home later than usual.
The husband then assumes that she has gone elsewhere from work without informing him.
He sits and waits for her call or return.
Finally she is back and an argument ensues.
This then repeats itself again some months later.
The husband files the incident away but brings it up later and uses that fact to point accusations at his wife.
He feels she is being carefree and she feels she has been working hard at work and he won’t give her some breathing space.
A simple message across to your partner and keeping them up to date with what is going on goes a long way to strengthen marriage.
This can however, also be achieved if there is trust.
When you make the decision to spend the rest of your life with your partner, you are making a big commitment.
One major challenge is to learn to trust your partner.
At the beginning, it might be difficult but over time you will learn to understand and trust your partner.
Without trust then every mistake or error made by your partner, would sow a tiny seed of doubt on a daily basis and if not checked could grow to become a very big grudge that can lead to violence.
Trust issues are usually common among jealous partners too.
Jealousy might seem like a display of affection for your partner, but it is at the same time an unhealthy habit and can lead to irrational behavior and possessiveness with a feeling that you own your partner.
If you get to know and understand your partner, then you should be able to trust them easily.
4. SELF DISCIPLINE AND CONTROL
We all come from different backgrounds and should therefore learn to understand each other.
Understanding means self-discipline and tolerating your partners’ behavior.
Not when it involves violence though!
With self-discipline comes self-control.
This is one habit that you must learn if you wish to have a successful marriage.
There will be moments when things will threaten to get out of hand but due to your self-control, you will be able to manage the situation and settle amicably.
Lack of self-control has over time led to display of anger and this can degenerate into violence.
A publication in the American Journal of Public Health also reported frequent quarrels as a predisposing factor for domestic violence
If you feel you cannot control your emotions (such as anger, rage or jealousy) then you should seek professional help.
This is important before it causes a breakdown in your marriage.
Sometimes, pressure can come from your work our family; you should learn not to carry it out on your partner.
5. LIVE APART TEMPORARILY
Conflict between spouses can escalate and lead to a buildup of negative energy.
When this happens, there is need to let out this negative energy but avoid leashing out on your partner.
If you cannot control yourself, then the best option is to move away for some time as a means of therapy to help you get back in a balanced frame of mind.
When you are angry at someone, you usually want to vent your anger on them immediately but if you stay away for some time then the anger will melt away gradually.
After some time you can get back together and talk it out.
Domestic violence is an ugly occurrence that commences and grows over time.
Usually, the victim or partner who is being abused tries to cope with the situation and attempts to keep it away from family and friends.
This is mostly due to the fact that they are afraid of being separated from their abusive partners.
As the problem lies with abusive partner, you find that despite the abuse you still love and care about your partner and wish they would just change.
Working on it at the early stage is key.
Voice out, communicate and seek for help early, so that you can restore you love life and avoid divorce.