How to Prevent Being Re-Victimized

download (24)You are no longer that scared little child who was subjected to the sick machinations of adults who abused you. You are no longer that child who had to shut up and be seen, not heard. You are no longer afraid. You are now a strong person who cannot and will not allow anyone to take advantage of you the way they did when you were a child.

As such, you now have the presence of mind and booming strength to cut off and stay away from monsters, which is anyone who wants to send you back to that time so they can twist you up, twist up what you went through to make you start doubting what happened. You are now strong as the Rock of Gibraltar Adult.

So now that you are now a strong, kick-ass Adult and there are poisonous people trying to do that to you, can you imagine the children who are most vulnerable to the abuse and machinations of adults? Can you imagine what they are going through? Actually, you don’t have to imagine, because you now know what

Domestic Violence – When Charm Tips Quickly Into Control

images (23)“CHARM is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting,” says Proverbs 31:30; “but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

It’s not a woman’s fault that she is seduced by a charmer.

Romance is high on the list of all people entering a romantic relationship. But there is a correlation between charm and control.

The more charming a man is in his romancing his woman, the more potentially controlling he could actually be, when the romance has worn off. Men who have violence issues are often men who lay on excessive charm.

CHARM IS DECEPTIVE

Oh how easy we’re all charmed. But charm is deceptive. It’s a perversion of the truth. And yet there’s authentic charm in the way humour is poised that makes light of a non-truth so long as everyone’s aware it’s a joke.

Charm maybe deceptive, but that doesn’t mean some people aren’t blessed with certain genuine virtue. But when it comes to a person feeling just a little too good – a marvel of charm – we ought to be wisely sceptical.

There’s no substitute for time when it comes to trust. People should earn

Legal Protection of Women Against Domestic Violence

images (25)Violence against women is a centuries old phenomenon. The violence may be of different forms, like child marriage, witch hunting, honor killing etc. It is due to defiance of the stereotyped role model of daughter, sister, wife and mother and of course daughter-in-law. Domestic Violence has been justified throughout the ages; legal and cultural traditions have granted men permission to beat their wives and even to kill them with intend to subordinate women. Although efforts had been made to electrify the image of women by associating her with Goddess Durga. Yet, it is ironical that India became patriarchal or male- oriented society. Causes of domestic violence may be many like alcohol and drug related, dowry related, frustration due to unemployment and financial constraints. Women also continue in violence relationship due to economic dependence upon men, family and social pressure to keep the family intact and preserve the marriage, lack of parental support absence of faith in the law and fear of losing custody of children.

In the modern age, voices have been raised against these inhuman practices and efforts made to bring about change

He Whose Name Is Respect Will Not Harm Anyone

images (24)HARM is a mode of life that breaches all sorts of safety protocols, sometimes even in the name of progress, often by ways of a lesser evil than would normally take place.

But harm is harm. It’s intolerable to God.

God is love and he made us to love by respect. Love is manifest by respect.

Respect comes by many names: Responsible, and his brother, Empathy. Sensitivity, and his brother, Peaceable. Equitable, and his brother, Consideration. Then, of course, there’s Tender.

But Harm comes by many names, too: Excuse, and his brother, Blame. Malevolence, and his brother, Spite. Fear, and his brother, Pride.

Respect enjoys much esteem. The ladies like him. His friends, too. He knows the work of love he’s put into his character. He cannot harm you.

Yet Harm finds the ladies scarce. Pity the woman who is wooed by his charm.

Respect – and all his brothers – bid all you ladies this prayer: that you find the kin of Respect; that you wed such kin so you’ll be safe and loved like you deserve.

A POEM ABOUT RESPECT AND HARM

I may bid you ‘respect’,
And hope not

Abusive Relationship That You Hide SO Well

images (22)Emotionally abused. Physically abused. Financially abused. Being abused is what you’ve become accustomed to. You think to yourself “How did I let this go on so long? How did I allow this to happen to me? Why haven’t I spoken to anyone about what I’m going through? How did I even get here?” Your abusive relationship is slowly killing you on the inside. You’re at your breaking point. It’s time for you to think about YOU for a change because you deserve way better than what you’ve been putting up with. You don’t deserve this! You DO count. You ARE important. You DO mean a lot to your loved ones. They care for you. Trust me, they do. You don’t have to put up with this abuse anymore. Reach out for help and don’t feel ashamed to do so.

Genuine love isn’t supposed to be emotionally draining. Name calling isn’t okay. Stop making excuses for it. Making you feel less-than is abuse. There’s no other way around that. You will be okay without him! He just makes you feel like you won’t. Think

Why Doesn’t the Victim Leave His/Her Abuser

images (21)In my last post, I didn’t address the often asked question, “Why doesn’t she leave just leave him?”

People usually ask it in the context of a wife not leaving her abusive husband, but it happens just as often the other way around. Or it could be a person not cutting off ties with an abusive family or a family that serves as a proxy for a narcissist within it. Whatever – why doesn’t the target of the abuse leave?

Every abused person asks themselves the same question! Truth is stranger than fiction, but here is the controlling fact of the matter: That’s what “normal” people do when subjected to abuse, but the abused partner or family target IS THE NORMAL one. Only they have been so abused and so manipulated they feel powerless to change the situation.

Truth be told, people who say “Why doesn’t she leave him?” wouldn’t leave themselves if they were in her shoes.

People do vary in how much abuse it takes to get them to leave. That is, some will leave sooner than others. But they all take far more abuse

Domestic Violence Has More Victims Than You Realize

images (20)You may be familiar with the archaic adage that “a man’s home is his castle.” It is often invoked against invasions of privacy or as justification for defense of property. While an individual’s autonomy and right to peaceful possession of property are not inherently bad things, this notion of inviolability (especially couched in such overtly patriarchal terms) has been invoked to insidious ends. To this day, many societies permit the cloak of sanctuary to cover up domestic violence, refusing to intercede on “personal” affairs. Increasingly, however, there is an understanding that what goes on behind closed doors can and should be the subject of social regulation. The moral ills of domestic violence are self-evident; it is wrong to harm a spouse or child. Fewer people understand the broader social costs that stem from abuse.

In 2003, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) conducted a comprehensive study to determine the cost of intimate partner violence (IPV) against women. The study concluded that the annual costs were $8.3 billion dollars in healthcare alone. The bulk of this number comes from $6.2 billion in treatment for victims

Practicing Extreme Self Care After Narcissistic Abuse

images (19)During a toxic relationship or relationship with a Narcissist we typically become so addicted to keeping them happy that we forget about taking care of ourselves. We put them first on our priority list and make sure that we are catering to their every need. Only to realize that what we do will never be acknowledged, appreciated or enough for a Narcissist. We make ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally sick by not putting our own happiness first. And this is one of the hardest lessons we learn after a break up with a Narcissist. After we leave them or they discard us for new supply, we are left with only ourselves to look at. But we have been so used to taking care of their needs that we don’t know how to care for ourselves anymore. So where can we start?

The first thing you can do is become brutally honest with yourself and come to accept that you have placed yourself on the back burner for way too long. To understand that your happiness and self care should always be your priority. Even

The Power of Suggestion & Family Ties

download (23)The Narcopath Mocks Your Family Ties

The power of suggestion and triangulation are two of the most powerful tools in the narcopath’s bag of tricks, and never underestimate her proficiency in their use.

Many narcopaths mock the family of their partners. The narcopath and the malignant narcissist sees your family, other people important in your life, in the same way she sees everyone: as tools, toys, or obstacles. She will use or treat the people in your life in much the same way as she treats you, and make no mistake, if they resist her control, she will remove them from your life.

She will cause you grief when you have plans with your family. By her negative and sarcastic remarks to time you spend with your family, she is putting the suggestion in your mind that your family is not good for your relationship. She cannot abide the idea that your attention would go to someone else. It doesn’t matter that if you are spending time with your kids. She will constantly interrupt and interfere with any quality time where she is the center of

8 Head Games the Narcissist Plays – Ping-Pong, Anyone?

images (18)Narcopath Manipulation Characterized as Games

Narcopaths (malignant narcissists, narcissistic sociopath) are masters at playing mind games. They play to win and take no prisoners. They are sore losers and if they don’t win they will often react in a fit of rage and stomp away like a little child.

I have to say upfront, I am not comfortable calling what a narcopath does to us as games, but I can’t think of a better alternative. I used manipulation characterized as games, but that’s a mouthful. Anyway, every therapist I’ve talked with uses the term, so I will, too. When I think of games, I think of fun, laughter and enjoying myself. Nothing about my experience with the narcopath comes even close, so it’s hard for me to think of the narcopath and games in the same setting. Polar opposites in my mind.

I don’t want to play games with a narcopath anymore. The rules are not written down and change according to her whim. I’ve lost before the game even begins. However, I am not a pacifist by any stretch of the imagination. I won’t walk

6 Questions You Must Ask Before Hiring an Attorney

download (21)How Do You Prove Severe Emotional Abuse In Your Divorce or any Court Proceeding?

Why can’t you both just get along for the sake of the children?” Those words are like nails on a chalkboard to anyone who is divorcing a narcissistic sociopath (narcopath). Divorce brings out the worst in normal people, but a divorce involving a narcopath is like inviting the devil to take part.

The narcissistic sociopath appears charming, charismatic and endearing to those whom he encounters during the legal process, yet outside of the courtroom, he/she is calculated, manipulative and many times, downright dangerous. The untrained observer may perceive the situation to be about two immature adult who can’t get along, or worse, parents who are not capable of putting their children first.

Are you thinking the judge and other court personnel will see you’re narcissistic sociopath ex for who she/he is? How long did it take you? You’re putting way too much faith in the system if you think your judge is going to see your ex-partner, friend or co-worker for the manipulative liar he/she is. Many of the untrained observers are

What Is Narcissistic Abuse?

images (16)Narcissists don’t really love themselves. Actually, they’re driven by shame. It’s the idealized image of themselves, which they convince themselves they embody, that they admire. But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the fa├žade they show the world and their shame-based self. They work hard to avoid feeling that shame. This gap is true for other codependents, as well, but a narcissist uses defense mechanisms that are destructive to relationships and cause pain and damage to their loved ones’ self-esteem. (Learn the traits required to diagnose a Narcissistic personality disorder, “NPD.”)

Many of the narcissist’s coping mechanisms are abusive-hence the term, “narcissistic abuse.” However, someone can be abusive, but not be a narcissist. Addicts and people with other mental illnesses, such as bi-polar disorder and anti-social personality disorder (sociopathy) and borderline personality disorders are also abusive, as are many codependents without a mental illness. Abuse is abuse, no matter what is the abuser’s diagnosis. If you’re a victim of abuse, the main challenges for you are:

  • Clearly identifying it;
  • Building a support system; and
  • Learning how to strengthen and protect yourself.

What is Narcissistic Abuse
Abuse may

Domestic Violence and Patriarchy

images (17)It’s an ongoing tragedy in every country and in many cases there is murder or severe maiming of victims of domestic violence. In Australia it is a focus of government and civil organisations who are attempting to stamp it out but the root cause is rarely questioned – patriarchy. Male children learn from birth that they are ‘special’ and they are treated with rights and a degree of respect not usually accorded to females.

Women are victims from the start because they are weaker, gentler, less intimidating, and above all not considered to be ‘god-like’. Patriarchy started when men decided they could rise up with the sun and ‘marry’ Mary, the sun-star of Babylon. The name means ‘mother’s powerful eye’. It was shown to me in a vision when the dawn’s light penetrated a hole in a stone held aloft for that reason. The magnificent colored moving rings of light are awesome and good enough for early man to worship.

Following my reincarnation and with a strong link to the Spirit of the universe it commissioned me to tear down the wall of blindness that

The 7 Critical Steps an Abused Woman Needs to Take in the Journey Towards Empowerment

images (14)What new thoughts does a woman living in an abusive relationship need to embrace to start feeling empowered in her life?

Unless women in abusive relationships get clear about the beliefs that program their thoughts and actions, they will not be aware of why they do things or the way they do things when they do them – they thus continue to find themselves stuck and remain in abusive, intolerable situations for longer than is necessary.

We are talking about a shift in paradigms.

Paradigms are thought patterns and beliefs that guide HOW WE THINK, BEHAVE AND ACT.

Here are 7 paradigm shifts that a woman living in an abusive, toxic relationship needs to make in order to feel a sense of empowerment in her life.

1) Let Go of Drama: Abusive relationships can be filled with lots of acting out, drama and noise. It is thus easy to get stuck in a position of always reacting and being sucked into the noxious behaviour of others.

Empowered women focus on staying centered. They put their energies into determining how they think, feel and act and thus do not get

Gaslighting – Effects & Warning Signs

download (22)Effects & Warning Signs of Gaslighting and the Unfortunate Predicament of Targets/Victims:

This article focuses on gaslighting, its effects & warning signs. During the process of gaslighting, targets find themselves going through unfamiliar and uncomfortable emotional and psychological states of mind that are confusing causing a great deal of anxiety. If the only support system available to a target is the abuser, then psychological damage is a certainty. Robin Stern, Ph.D. speaks of three stages the target will go through in her book “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your LIfe”. She also goes on to list a number of warning flags to look for in determining whether you are being gaslighted. Her book is an excellent resource for anyone wanting to learn more about this evil and sadistic trait found in the narcopath. My article merely expands on her analysis.

The three stages a target experiences are:

Disbelief:

Gaslighting is an extreme form of emotional abuse used by the narcissistic gaslighter to manipulate you, the innocent target (gaslightee). The effects of gaslighting are so insidious, that they

Domestic Violence and Discrimination Against Women

images (15)While governments are working to try to resolve this issue they have not realised the role religions play in the behaviour of many men. Women are blamed for their sins as their minds are unable to get away from the Adam and Eve story. In it Eve caused Adam to sin and was, therefore, the evil personification of all women that lead men astray. They have never stopped the punishment because no one has told them how the story is a lie.

Following my reincarnation and with a strong link to the Spirit it commissioned me to tear down the wall that hides the truth and restore its people. It then took me on a huge learning curve to understand where the myths on which religions are based have their roots. In order to complete the mission many visions were also given.

In one such vision a line stretched out in front and along it were people. An extremely bright light rose from me and it arched over the line to the far end where EVE was written in large capital letters. The middle was

5 Powerful Secrets To Avoid Domestic Violence In Marriage – Divorce Is Not An Option

images (13)It’s a weekend and you have just woken up to the sound of your partner.

Oh no! Not again.

You have warned severally that you just don’t like things being done in that manner.

Why can’t this simple rule be followed? You think.

Then you have this urge to jump at your partner and make him/her listen to you.

Do not do this!

Calm yourself and take a deep breath before you act.

Do you know that marriage is the only institution where you are offered a certificate before you get into it?

This might not be surprising.

But you gather the needed experience to make your marriage thrive as you go on and as the saying goes “Experience is the best teacher”.

The only challenge is that two people with different backgrounds have decided to come together and live with one another.

What this means is that you must learn to change your ways and to also accept the new ways of your partner.

The human behavior is designed under “normal” circumstances to tolerate and accept others as they are.

Sometimes, we might find it difficult to understand why our partners behave in a manner

A Few Signs of Domestic Violence You Cannot Ignore

images (12)A few signs of domestic violence that cannot be ignored are criticism by one’s significant other in front of family and friends, periods of silence by one’s significant other and when he/she labels a room(s) in the house as off-limits.

You know, most of the time when we hear that someone we know was charged with a serious crime, we would either say, “I didn’t see any signs that he/she would have done this or that or, yes, I’m not surprised because I saw the signs in him/her.” Yes, consciously or unconsciously we are always looking for signs and usually, they are there for us to see and when it comes to domestic violence, there is no difference.

Domestic violence which is also referred to as domestic abuse, battering and family violence has touched many of us and DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence, in one of its pamphlet, defines it as a pattern of coercive behaviours, used by a batterer to gain or maintain power and control over another person with whom the batterer is in an intimate dating or family relationship.

Criticism in front of

5 Effects of Domestic Violence on a Child’s Development

download (20)When we talk about the effects of domestic violence on children’s growth and development, we are considering the effects of violence on children living in a place where spousal abuse is happening. Most of the children who are brought up in such an environment, often experience bad and suppressed childhood, which leads to negative effects on their personal growth and development. For some children who are suffering from domestic violence, their journey from childhood to adulthood is completed overnight as they don’t have to learn things that are supposed to be learned when they grow up. They quickly learn how to survive and some of them even started earning for their survival. Parents need to learn that domestic violence has dreadful consequences on children as it can ruin your child’s future and personal growth as well.

There are 5 effects of domestic violence on the child’s development:

1. Child become introvert

Children are just like flowers, they need care and love. Children suffering from domestic violence often becomes silent and feel hesitant to speak or even go out of their house. They put themselves into the

Pastor, You Probably Have A Congregant That’s In Real Crisis! Want To Help Them?

download (19)When in crisis or extreme need, people will turn to you, their Pastor or Minister because you are familiar or safe for them. You married their children, performed their baptisms, given them communion, and buried their dead. It would stand to reason, a victim of Incest would feel that their Pastor or Minister is a safe place to talk. Spiritual Leaders are held in high esteem since they serve, advise, and guide their congregants through traumatic and sensitive incidents.

Helping your congregants deal with Incest and Sexual Assault can be difficult; DON’T FALL SHORT!

Incest is a very TABOO subject. Due to the repulsive, offensive nature of Incest, people don’t or won’t discuss it; or the issue is ignored, as though it didn’t happen. Speaking about incest makes most people very uncomfortable. This is due to the reality of family members (usually girls) being abused by their own flesh and blood, who are supposed to love and protect them.

GUESTIMATION: Statistically speaking – 1 in 6-8 females in your congregation have been, or is currently being molested or sexually assaulted.

Incest is a National problem. Almost a